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The
Wit and Wisdom of
Homer J.Simpson
- "Marge,
it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
- "You
can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and
move on. "
- "Now
son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and
kids with fake IDs."
- "Ew!
Lisa, honey, if it'll make you feel better I'll destroy
something Bart loves."
- "The
sun? That's the hottest place on Earth."
- "
I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change
and then quickly change back. '
- "You
couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your
life if you had an electrified fooling machine."
- "Marge,
don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important
to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except
the weasel."
- "If
you really want something in life you have to work for it.
Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."
- "To
alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's
problems!"
- "I
saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around
a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed,
it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't
Slow Down.'
- "I
want to share something with you - the three sentences that
will get you through life. Number one,'cover for me.' Number
two, 'oh, good idea, boss.' Number three, 'it was like that
when I got here.'
- "Marge,
you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."
- "Step
aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty.
'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'
- "Don't
let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the
time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow.
Well, good night."
- "Son,
when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether
you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
- "Lisa,
if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't
- it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as
hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."
- "Lisa,
if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go
in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American
way."
- "Stealing!
How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy
who gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name?
- "We
live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to
all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't
hear anybody laughin', did you?"
- "Television
- teacher, mother, secret lover!"
- "Maybe,
just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're
making a scene.'
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